Joyful Abandon: September 2012

A few days ago it dawned on me that it had been a heck of a long time since I posted anything to this little blog. I suppose I could muse about why that is, but the reality is that it really doesn’t matter. What matters is now.

I guess that is the frame of mind I’m in; looking at life and how it seems to ebb and flow and change. Last Sunday the day I have dreaded for so long finally came to fruition. I was forced to make the choice to have Humphery, my constant companion, my familiar, and truly my heart and soul put to sleep due to a sudden broken leg.

I guess most pet people understand this kind of pain. They understand what it is to care for a tiny being that trusts in you ceaselessly. But I had the gift of sharing almost my entire life with my little Princess kissy-face fluffy bottom. You see, her mother was also my pet and when the tiny runt of the litter was left after a barrage of kitty adoptions, I knew that her place was with me. And it was by my side that she stayed for 21 years; the most faithful and loving being a person could ever have. She was, and will always truly be my soul.

To say she was like my child is the ultimate understatement. When she became sick in the year I moved away to attend teachers college, I moved home to care for her. It was the least I could have done after years of kisses and wet noses that cared for me in my many times of need. It was after that time that I thanked God for every morning I woke up to find my fluffy alarm clock pawing me for morning petting before brushing my teeth. We grew old together and we loved it.

It was funny to see her become accustomed to married life; to share her Mum with that guy who was always over visiting. But Dave will tell you that she really took to it (maybe better than I did) and she was absolutely fine with becoming a daddy’s girl. No doubt the warm cuddles and spoiling helped to pave the golden bond in that relationship.

To say that I hurt could not be more of a platitude. To be frank, it feels as though my life has stopped and my reality has become a hushed agony that follows me everywhere. I am broken. I have had my heart and soul torn from my chest and in its place stands a nauseating blackness.

I have known great loss, and I know I will again. But for the time being, I hold on to 21 years of laughter and joy and petting and snackles and tummy rubs and nose chomps in hopes that one day it will numb the void.

I love you Humphery, more than anything in the universe and more than you will ever know.